Psychology Productivity Health More Psychology

Psychology Productivity Health More Psychology

Psychology Productivity Health More Psychology This Innocent Little Comment on a Child's Drawing Can Kill Their Creativity Sally White Motivational, parenting and outdoor writer, this artist, world traveler and former olive-picking Greek island ex-pat has a

wealth of life skills and knowledge to impart. Full Bio Your child comes home and presents you with a drawing of your house. There’s a blue house, a yellow sun, and a green sky. You admire their handiwork and then gently ask why the sky is green. Shouldn’t it be blue? Most teachers and parents would have the same reaction, but

 before you speak, stop! That innocent little comment carries a powerful punch. Unbeknownst to you, you are about to squelch your child’s natural developing creativity. Everyone has the ability to be creative, however, Professor of Biology and neurobiologist Erin Clabough Ph.D. writes that1 “creativity can be easily crushed by goals imposed by others.” Not everyone needs to see the world in the same light- and they shouldn’t.

Before you mention that sky should be blue, consider your reasons carefully. Your child can see that a sky is blue, but in their world it isn’t. Allow them the freedom to be creative. Creativity fosters critical thinking and problem solving skills. It helps people to deal with stress and adapt to changes. Most adults unwittingly squash creativity and limit imagination with misguided good intentions. In fact, you may be surprised at som

e of these creativity busters. Criticizing– You may believe constructive criticism helps, but you are crushing their creativity. Pressure to Perfection– Making your child feel pressured to succeed, putting all of the emphasis on a perfect end product instead of their creative process Helicopter parenting– Give your child space. Fluttering around

them only builds up pressure to perform for you, not them. Restricting choices– Allowing them to only paint with a brush, not their fingers, the other end of the brush, a chopstick or other items kills creativity. Telling them to play outside but not get dirty kills creativity. Play should be play. Being Bossy– Stop being a dictator. Creativity is best

fostered in freedom of space and not from being told this is how you must do it. Should and must are two different words. The feedback given by adults can either boost or limit children’s imagination. Even though you may not be able to stop your child’s school from funneling their art funds into a new math text books, there are ways you can work

with your child to boost their creativity and stop limiting their imaginations. Rewire Your Brain Adults can become set in their ways of thinking. Like thinking video games are bad and today’s music will never match up to that of yesterday. Out-dated ideas. In order to foster your child’s creativity, it may require a rewiring of your own brain and

ways of thinking. Stop yourself from running on autopilot and praising the product, rather than the process. That sky may not be blue, but it took your child a long time and hard work to create it. Before you condemn that computer time, realize that digital

art is as creative as drawing with pencils and ink. Realize Your World is Not Their World Stop trying to make your children see the world as you see it. Your judgements, your viewpoints belong to you. You’ve had numerous years and experiences to base them upon and with which to measure them. Your child has a short span of experiences.

Children have the ability to use their imaginations better than adults because they aren’t tainted by time and judged against the massive amount of data that adult-brains collect. Allow your child the freedom to use their own senses for themselves, unbiased by your suggestions. Provide your child with the tools, space and time to help foster their

creativity. Watch out for those creative busters, like helicopter parenting and dictatorial decrees. Try not to inadvertently crush their creativity, even if that means rewiring your own ways of thought. Work with your child’s creative process, not against it. You never know, you may be raising the next big innovator. Stop Criticizing their Work You may

believe constructive criticism helps, when you believe their clay bunny should have longer ears, but you are crushing their creativity. The rewards are in the process, whether they come out looking like a rabbit or resemble a melted lump with eyes. When they began, they may have envisioned their masterpiece in their mind, but it is the

process that exercises creativity, not the outcome. They will learn more from their own trial and errors- like those long bunny ears needing support, than if you just tell them. Don’t Interfere with Their Creative Process Don’t get in the way of their play. When they add a bucket of water to that pile of dirt and start squishing their hands through it, bite

your tongue. When they set their paintbrush aside and dip their fingers straight into the paint and start coloring their paper with thumbprints, twist your hands behind your back and close your mouth. You are witnessing imagination at work. Remember, you can hose them down and wash those hands afterwards. References Featured photo credit:

Stocksnap via stocksnap.io [1] Erin Clabough Ph.D. Psychology Today: Travel with Your Kids for Creativity’s Sake About Lifehack Lifehack is about helping you improve your life through efficient and comprehensive learning. By leveraging the vast amount of knowledge available to us, we explore and present a wide variety of content catered to encouraging individual growth and solving problems. Learn more about our mission

 What’s Popular now? Poor Sleep Quality Comes from All the Things You Do Since Morning Warren Buffett Says Most People End up Being Average Because They Don't Keep This List Keep A "Friend Bank" So You Can Maintain The Right Kind Of Friendship! We're Taking in Too Much Information and It's Making Us Dumber See How You Don't Have To Start Your Weight Loss Journey Sweaty! Recommended for You If You Understand These 5 Rules In Psychology, You Can Live A Much Easier Life 5 Real Ways


 to Actually Make Money Online 50 Soft Skills for Lifelong Happiness and Success The Only Effective Way to Talk With Children When They Are Acting Out Learn More About Psychology People Judge Your Intelligence Based on the Tone of Your Voice and How Fast You Speak Why We Lose Motivation Once in a While and How to Fix It Forever What Is Love and What Is Not Get the most interesting ideas of Lifehack in your inbox

for free! Scroll down for the next article Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You End up Being Unhappy Psychology Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You End up Being Unhappy Leon Ho Leon Ho is the Founder and CEO of Lifehack, which he started in 2005 as a way to share his personal productivity hacks to make life easier. Full Bio

 Happiness is like your favorite food. Let’s assume you love cookie dough ice cream and whenever you eat it you’re happy. But if you have a freezer stocked with it, someone gifting you with another one won’t necessarily make you happier. Contrarily, if your freezer stopped running and you had to go without it for weeks, you would be elated if someone showed up with a brand new carton for you. It’s a feeling we have all felt (hopefully), but it’s certainly not a permanent state of mind. Here’s the thing, only by experiencing sadness do we understand what it is to be happy. Assuming others are always happy is the biggest misunderstanding of happiness. The funny thing is, most people see those who have seemingly perfect lives and assume they are happy all the

time. Blame it on all the fairy tales we were read at bedtime as children, but it seems somewhere along the line we forgot that there are not actually princesses who find a prince and live happily-ever-after while peasants and witches stew in their unhappiness nearby. In reality, there is always something missing, something lacking, or something

unpleasant. No one has a perfect life. I think you hear it a lot growing up, that you shouldn’t judge those around you because you don’t know what their life is like behind closed doors. But as we grow and mature we tend to forget. Happiness, at it’s very definition, is a state of contentment. Notice the word, ‘state.’ It’s not a “lifelong,

permanent experience,” it’s a state. Temporary and/or fleeting. When we feel sad, we’re only focusing on a small fluctuating curve. This is usually enforced by our well-meaning friends who say things like, “this is a blessing in disguise,” or “this will soon be a memory; this too shall pass.” They’re right, and we usually know they’re right, but in the

moment it can be difficult to see past our negativity. Do you remember your very first breakup? It felt like the world would never be okay again, didn’t it? But weeks, months and eventually years passed and so many other relationships came and went. Of course you moved on, but in that intense sad moment of time, you were unable to see that there was a future. What we don’t see is the extended version of this curve. In keeping

with the breakup example, the extended version of the curve would be your eventual life-partner or your realization that you were completely happy as a single person. But at the time, there was no future, only darkness and loneliness. What we fail to see is how important Sadness is to Joy. Remember earlier when I said we only know what

happiness is because we’ve experienced sadness? If you can really think about what that means, it’s pretty powerful. It takes the darkness to make us grateful for the light. Stop trying to be happy. Just be. It’s natural to want to be happy as often as possible. So what can we do? First, throw away the belief that a perfect life means happiness. Personally, I would be miserable if everything was perfect. It’s from experiencing the

pains of lifelong challenges that drives us to care for others when they are experiencing the same trials. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t be able to empathize. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t grow. To be truly happy, stop chasing permanent happiness. It sounds like a paradox. What I mean is, accept that there will be ups and downs throughout time.

Gracefully understand that happiness is a fluctuation of positive and negative events. Instead of focusing on the unpleasant moment right now, flash back your memory to when you had or didn’t have something. I like to think about my career for this example. When I didn’t have a career I was happy with and passionate about, I was upset. I felt like everyone was figuring out their lives but me. But when I found my purpose and

started Lifehack, I was so happy, even before I realized I would be successful! Remember that gratitude is the key because we only appreciate a moment when we can compare it with moments of disappointments. Happiness and sadness exist together What it all comes down to is this: your life will be filled with beautiful, happy, incredible, wow-

inducing moments. Happy tears and joyous shouts and funny stories. But your life will also be filled with rainy, mucky storms that don’t ever seem to pass when you’re going through them. But whether your face is warmed by the sunshine, or your heart is

dampened by the rain, know that it’s all part of that beautiful ebb and flow of life. Relish in the happy moments and power through the sad ones. Know you aren’t alone in experiencing either, and don’t be afraid to admit when you are hurting. Pretending to be happy won’t make you happy. But being unconditionally honest with yourself about how you feel and why … that’s how you learn to love your life — good times and bad, and that’s how to be happy. References Featured photo credit: InsideOut via facebook.com

About Lifehack Lifehack is about helping you improve your life through efficient and comprehensive learning. By leveraging the vast amount of knowledge available to us, we explore and present a wide variety of content catered to encouraging individual growth and solving problems. Learn more about our mission What’s Popular now? Poor Sleep

Quality Comes from All the Things You Do Since Morning Warren Buffett Says Most People End up Being Average Because They Don't Keep This List Keep A "Friend Bank" So You Can Maintain The Right Kind Of Friendship! We're Taking in Too Much Information and It's Making Us Dumber See How You Don't Have To Start Your Weight Loss Journey Sweaty! Recommended for You 50 Soft Skills for Lifelong Happiness and

Success 100 Inspirational Quotes That Will Make You Love Life Again Shortcut to Happiness 15 Things To Stop Doing If You Want To Be Truly Happy Learn More About Psychology There's No Perfect Family, but a Happy Family Doesn't Need to Be Perfect Is an Extrovert Really Happier Than an Introvert? Let's Look at the Research Findings People Judge Your Intelligence Based on the Tone of Your Voice and How Fast You

Speak Get the most interesting ideas of Lifehack in your inbox for free! Scroll down for the next article How to Avoid Deathbed Regrets with This Daily Practice Psychology How to Avoid Deathbed Regrets with This Daily Practice Nicole Stone Nicole is a research specialist, writer, and self-improvement enthusiast with a Master's Degree in Natural

Resource Management from North Dakota State University. Full Bio You’ve likely heard a famous quote by Mark Twain “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did...“ But how many of us follow our dreams? More importantly, how many of us regret not following them? I think most of us will find that we fit into question number two. I know I did. Until one day I asked

myself some serious questions about where I was at in my life journey… Is this really where I see myself 20 years from now? Do I still feel fulfilled? Am I the person I spent my whole life wanting to be? No. Just like that, my entire life changed. Asking myself

questions like these changed the way I perceived myself. I wired my thought process to seek change and drive ambition. Being confident in your decisions and in your capabilities can play a huge part in avoiding self-doubt and regret. I was already regretting not pursuing my ambitions earlier. At least I finally asked myself the question

I needed to, affirmed who I was, where I wanted to be, and acted. This is how I practice self-affirmation. However, learning how to stay aligned with your dreams and goals while staying confident can be a serious struggle. Most of us will be plagued with regrets throughout our life; however, learning how to develop self-affirmation can go a long way in making decisions and living the fulfilling life that isn’t plagued with self-

doubt. What is self-affirmation? In its simplest form, it is the act of having a positive attitude toward yourself. It is valuing who you are and believing you have a purpose. It’s being confident in you. However, identifying and practicing self-affirmation can be much more difficult than it sounds. Thankfully, a few simple questions can help guide us in the

right direction and help affirm that we are working towards the life that we have always wanted for ourselves. This means reducing the regrets we may have 20 years down the road. What questions should we ask ourselves daily? Am I happy? Am I excited for life? Is this the life I envisioned for myself? Am I making decisions today that will positively impact my life tomorrow? Is my daily routine allowing me to cross of my “bucket list”

items (throughout the long term)? Is today a step that helps me towards the goals that I want to pursue? Am I making the most of opportunities? Am I proud of where I’m at in life? Has today made me feel fulfilled? Now, I’m not suggesting you need to ask yourself each one of these questions every day. However, taking time every day to evaluate how

you feel by choosing a few of these questions can help keep your brain be “trained” to think positively. Doing this daily can wire your thought process towards ambition and fulfillment. It helps keep you focused on who you want to be. It allows you to think positively about yourself and your aspirations. Out of all of those questions, I

recommend asking yourself if you are feeling fulfilled every day. Fulfilment can go a long in self-confidence and optimism. As for asking yourself some of these questions daily, are you confident in your answers? Are you living up to your potential? If you are not, maybe it is time to start reavaluating somethings. What did my affirmation questions result in? Me quitting my job, finally pursing my dreams, and trying this

adventure through self-affirmation. Give it a try, you might be surprised where it will lead you. About Lifehack Lifehack is about helping you improve your life through efficient and comprehensive learning. By leveraging the vast amount of knowledge available to us, we explore and present a wide variety of content catered to encouraging individual growth and solving problems. Learn more about our mission What’s Popular

now? Poor Sleep Quality Comes from All the Things You Do Since Morning Warren Buffett Says Most People End up Being Average Because They Don't Keep This List Keep A "Friend Bank" So You Can Maintain The Right Kind Of Friendship! We're Taking in Too Much Information and It's Making Us Dumber See How You Don't Have To Start Your

Weight Loss Journey Sweaty! Recommended for You 100 Life Hacks That Make Life Easier If You Understand These 5 Rules In Psychology, You Can Live A Much Easier Life 50 Soft Skills for Lifelong Happiness and Success The Only Effective Way to Talk With Children When They Are Acting Out Learn More About Psychology People Judge Your

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July 13, 2017 ·   0

If You Understand These 5 Rules In Psychology, You Can Live A Much Easier Life

If You Understand These 5 Rules In Psychology, You Can Live A Much Easier Life

About LifehackContact Us Psychology Productivity Health More If You Understand These 5 Rules In Psychology, You Can Live A Much Easier Life Jenny Marchal Jenny Marchal is a freelance writer. Full Bio Understanding the psychology of ourselves and others around us can play a huge part in our happiness. We are all suffering from limiting beliefs

gained from past experiences and interactions with others inhibiting the ease with which we live our lives. Whether it’s believing we aren’t good enough because we’re told we should be at a certain point in our lives by a certain time, bringing about feelings of failure, or simply misunderstanding others’ intentions or reactions to us, we need to get into a better mindset that will straighten out our perceptions and limit the amount of

negativity that we see and think about ourselv Making a habit of using these psychological rules is crucial to living an easier life and will help you to see the world in a whole new light. 1. People Don’t Care As Much As You Think It may sound harsh, but essentially it’s true. Being so caught up in what others think of us or acting in a way that will meet (what we think are) other people’s expectations is detrimental to us because everyone is wrapped up in their own problems and insecurities. It’s much better to try to keep this in mind, as most of what we believe people are thinking are only assumptions our own minds create based on past experiences or incorrect perceptions and

interpretations. Being yourself without worrying what others think will go a long way in achieving personal happiness. 2. We Are Constantly Changing Who We Are It’s easy to think that we are the same person we were ten years ago and will be thinking and feeling the same in another ten years, but we’re not. Our past, present and future selves are all essentially independent because our mindsets change with our lives’

circumstances and experiences. Because of this, we should always be true to our present selves when making decisions. We can never predict what our future self will think and feel, and everything that happened in the past was for our past selves. The power is all in the now. 3. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others With social media pressuring many of us to post the best moments, it can be easy to start comparing ourselves to others’

seemingly ‘perfect’ lives. In real life, we still tend to show our best side to people rather than showing vulnerability out of fear of being judged or rejected. The truth is we are all vulnerable. We all want to be accepted by others. It is a huge waste of time to believe that people are somehow better than us and have their life sorted out, while seeing us for who we really are. Comparisons and feeling inferior to other people is futile because even the most powerful people have worries, insecurities and uncertainties inside them. Further Reading 14 Things That Happened When I Compared Myself to Others Read

more 4. Don’t Assume Your Advice Will Be Listened To Ever seen a friend’s glaring problem and know what they need to do to sort it out? You give advice but it just seems to fall on deaf ears. You feel frustrated because, after all, you just want to help them. The thing is, no one ever really listens to advice unless they happen to be in the right mindset at the right time. At the end of the day, people will only change their mindsets or outlooks through their own realisations and experiences. Sometimes it may come in the form of your advice but most of the time it needs to happen for them at their own pace. Don’t feel ignored or disheartened – you did your bit, now let them

work it out. 5. You Can Only Control Your Response How you react to a problem, event or situation is much more important than the situation itself. In life, attitude is everything in how happy you become overall. You can choose to react in a way that will ricochet throughout your future thoughts, feelings and emotions or choose to

acknowledge a better way. In any negative situation, this can be hard, but remembering to take yourself out of it for a few seconds and reset your mind before reacting can help you train yourself to understand the possible repercussions for others and yourself. Read full content Featured photo credit: Julian Jagtenberg via pexels.com Love this article? Share it with your friends on Facebook About Lifehack Lifehack is about helping you

improve your life through efficient and comprehensive learning. By leveraging the vast amount of knowledge available to us, we explore and present a wide variety of content catered to encouraging individual growth and solving problems. Learn more about our mission What’s Popular now? Poor Sleep Quality Comes from All the Things You Do Since Morning Warren Buffett Says Most People End up Being Average Because They

Don't Keep This List Keep A "Friend Bank" So You Can Maintain The Right Kind Of Friendship! We're Taking in Too Much Information and It's Making Us Dumber See How You Don't Have To Start Your Weight Loss Journey Sweaty! Recommended for You 5 Real Ways to Actually Make Money Online 50 Soft Skills for Lifelong Happiness and Success Signs Of Low Self-Esteem And The Root Causes You Might Not Know 25 Tiny Habits That Could Totally Change Your Life Learn More About Motivation Top 10 Most

Inspirational Bloggers In The World 15 Effective Ways Clever People Handle Toxic People If You Understand These 5 Rules In Psychology, You Can Live A Much Easier Life Love this article? Get more stuff like this in your inbox Keep A "Friend Bank" So You Can Maintain The Right Kind Of Friendship! Arthur Peirce Arthur is never happier when writing. Full Bio On Facebook I have close to three hundred friends, someone else I know has well over one thousand. What does that mean? Does it mean, that, when I

want to hang out with friends, I contact three hundred people, or them, one thousand? Clearly not. If not that, then are most of them friends at all? Making someone a real friend takes considerable time and effort. Sometimes, instead of making the effort to establish someone as a friend, we might instead choose to have a large number of shallow acquaintances instead of friends. On social media, someone you met once in

passing at some house party, can become listed as a friend, even if there is little chance or little intention of you meeting them again. Having a big list of “friends” may make us feel good, it might make us feel extremely popular. However in the end all of this could be bad for us, as we may lose out in making real profound human connection. Especially if we no longer see the need in making the necessary effort. In our all too busy lives, we can easily lose sight of the simple fact that good friendships are not determined by

quantity, but quality. Who are your real friends? When you add someone as a friend on social media, their actual connection to you and your emotional connection to them isn’t considered by the website. The site may highlight people you interact with online more, but generally real connections aren’t considered and all appear the same. People that you care about and care about you may fall from sight. As such it can be important to do the slightly unusual task of taking stock. To determine who are, and who are not,

your real friends. How does the “Friend bank” work? Perhaps the best method to cut through this cloud of uncertainty is to take time and create a friend bank. To mentally group those who you are closest to and happiest with. These days are lives are incredibly busy, we might have a family to feed, work commitments, or intense study schedules. In any case, the time we have to cultivate any form of relationship, let alone friendships, can be brief. It could be useful to better ascertain who to spend time with. Also, paradoxically, though, thanks to social media, we seem to have an abundance of

friends. The number of people we want to spend our free time with may actually be quite small. Considering a friendship tier system will help you mentally clarify things. With this in mind there are three different tiers of friends to consider. Top Tier-Best friends These are the ones who are the most important to you. You are happiest with them and think they are happy with you. Your friendship runs deep and as such you

have a great deal of treasured memories with them and know that there will be many more great memories to come. You are willing to to whatever it takes to maintain the friendship and you know they feel the same. Right now you can probably think of many people that fulfill this category. These are the ones that are so close and important to

you, that they almost seem a part of you. Middle Tier- Good Friends These are the ones you really like spending time with. But you know deep down you have different tastes and values which sometimes results in you feeling distant from them. Sometimes its enough for you to simply stay in contact with them through social media. You hope

your friendship with them will continue, and are willing to make some effort to maintain it, but in that is dependent on them as well. Friendship is a two way street, and its only really worth it if they give as well as you. Bottom Tier – Distant friends You like these people, and they like you. In the past you’ve had some good times. But you feel that you and them are slightly drifting apart, and that doesn’t bother you too much. Your

conversations with them are shallow, bordering on small talk, as quite simply, you don’t have anything in common with them anymore. You and them rarely meet up or hang out. You think your feelings about them are mutual and feel you may drift apart entirely and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. These people are like old friends from childhood, school, college, or work. People that you really associated with due to proximity and

never became all that close, or were once close but the distance has become great. Everyone else are perhaps not your friends and are just acquaintances or perhaps even friends to be. It is important to note that none of these tiers are set in stone. Someone now in the top tier can tumble to the bottom, and someone from the bottom tier can climb to the top. It’s quite fluid, and entirely dependent on your thoughts and feelings about them. You might find that the next time you meet with someone in the bottom

tier, you really enjoy their company and come to consider them good friends or even best friends. This would be wonderful news, and so don’t hesitate to put them higher up on the list. Equally, if you fall out with someone in the top tier, you might find you want to place them lower. In the end this isn’t us telling you to carefully pick and choose your friends. Nor are we encouraging you to drop out of touch with some people. But considering such a tier system may help to clarify things for you, to organize your

relationships. In the age of 1000+ friends list such an exercise could prove to be important, allowing you to realize who your true friends are, allowing you to appreciate them even more. Deepening your relationship and happiness with them. Read full content Love this article? Share it with your friends on Facebook About Lifehack Lifehack is about helping you improve your life through efficient and comprehensive learning. By

leveraging the vast amount of knowledge available to us, we explore and present a wide variety of content catered to encouraging individual growth and solving problems. Learn more about our mission What’s Popular now? Poor Sleep Quality Comes from All the Things You Do Since Morning Warren Buffett Says Most People End up Being Average

Because They Don't Keep This List Keep A "Friend Bank" So You Can Maintain The Right Kind Of Friendship! We're Taking in Too Much Information and It's Making Us Dumber See How You Don't Have To Start Your Weight Loss Journey Sweaty! Recommended for You 100 Life Hacks That Make Life Easier If You Understand These 5 Rules In

Psychology, You Can Live A Much Easier Life 5 Real Ways to Actually Make Money Online 50 Soft Skills for Lifelong Happiness and Success Learn More About Communication 23 Body Language Tricks That Make You Instantly Likeable Keep A

"Friend Bank" So You Can Maintain The Right Kind Of Friendship! 18 Signs You've Found Your Soulmate Love this article? Get more stuff like this in your inbox Feedback

July 13, 2017 ·   0

This Innocent Little Comment on a Child's Drawing Can Kill Their Creativity

This Innocent Little Comment on a Child's Drawing Can Kill Their Creativity

Psychology Productivity Health More Psychology This Innocent Little Comment on a Child's Drawing Can Kill Their Creativity Sally White Motivational, parenting and outdoor writer, this artist, world traveler and former olive-picking Greek island ex-pat has a wealth of life skills and knowledge to impart. Full Bio Your child comes home and

presents you with a drawing of your house. There’s a blue house, a yellow sun, and a green sky. You admire their handiwork and then gently ask why the sky is green. Shouldn’t it be blue? Most teachers and parents would have the same reaction, but before you speak, stop! That innocent little comment carries a powerful punch.

Unbeknownst to you, you are about to squelch your child’s natural developing creativity. Everyone has the ability to be creative, however, Professor of Biology and neurobiologist Erin Clabough Ph.D. writes that1 “creativity can be easily crushed by goals imposed by others.” Not everyone needs to see the world in the same light- and they shouldn’t.

Before you mention that sky should be blue, consider your reasons carefully. Your child can see that a sky is blue, but in their world it isn’t. Allow them the freedom to be creative. Creativity fosters critical thinking and problem solving skills. It helps people to deal with stress and adapt to changes. Most adults unwittingly squash creativity and

limit imagination with misguided good intentions. In fact, you may be surprised at some of these creativity busters. Criticizing– You may believe constructive criticism helps, but you are crushing their creativity. Pressure to Perfection– Making your child feel pressured to succeed, putting all of the emphasis on a perfect end product instead of

their creative process Helicopter parenting– Give your child space. Fluttering around them only builds up pressure to perform for you, not them. Restricting choices– Allowing them to only paint with a brush, not their fingers, the other end of the brush, a chopstick or other items kills creativity. Telling them to play outside but not get dirty

kills creativity. Play should be play. Being Bossy– Stop being a dictator. Creativity is best fostered in freedom of space and not from being told this is how you must do it. Should and must are two different words. The feedback given by adults can either boost or limit children’s imagination. Even though you may not be able to stop your child’s school

from funneling their art funds into a new math text books, there are ways you can work with your child to boost their creativity and stop limiting their imaginations. Rewire Your Brain Adults can become set in their ways of thinking. Like thinking video games are bad and today’s music will never match up to that of yesterday. Out-dated ideas. In order to foster your child’s creativity, it may require a rewiring of your own brain and

ways of thinking. Stop yourself from running on autopilot and praising the product, rather than the process. That sky may not be blue, but it took your child a long time and hard work to create it. Before you condemn that computer time, realize that digital art is as creative as drawing with pencils and ink. Realize Your World is Not Their World Stop trying to make your children see the world as you see it. Your judgements, your

viewpoints belong to you. You’ve had numerous years and experiences to base them upon and with which to measure them. Your child has a short span of experiences. Children have the ability to use their imaginations better than adults because they aren’t tainted by time and judged against the massive amount of data that adult-brains collect. Allow your child the freedom to use their own senses for themselves, unbiased by your suggestions. Provide your child with the tools, space and time to help foster their

creativity. Watch out for those creative busters, like helicopter parenting and dictatorial decrees. Try not to inadvertently crush their creativity, even if that means rewiring your own ways of thought. Work with your child’s creative process, not against it. You never know, you may be raising the next big innovator. Stop Criticizing their Work You may believe constructive criticism helps, when you believe their clay bunny should have

longer ears, but you are crushing their creativity. The rewards are in the process, whether they come out looking like a rabbit or resemble a melted lump with eyes. When they began, they may have envisioned their masterpiece in their mind, but it is the process that exercises creativity, not the outcome. They will learn more from their own

trial and errors- like those long bunny ears needing support, than if you just tell them. Don’t Interfere with Their Creative Process Don’t get in the way of their play. When they add a bucket of water to that pile of dirt and start squishing their hands through it, bite your tongue. When they set their paintbrush aside and dip their fingers straight into the paint and start coloring their paper with thumbprints, twist your hands behind your back and close your mouth. You are witnessing imagination at work. Remember, you can hose them down and wash those hands afterwards. References Featured photo credit:

Stocksnap via stocksnap.io [1] Erin Clabough Ph.D. Psychology Today: Travel with Your Kids for Creativity’s Sake About Lifehack Lifehack is about helping you improve your life through efficient and comprehensive learning. By leveraging the vast amount of knowledge available to us, we explore and present a wide variety of content catered to encouraging individual growth and solving problems. Learn more about our mission

 What’s Popular now? Poor Sleep Quality Comes from All the Things You Do Since Morning Warren Buffett Says Most People End up Being Average Because They Don't Keep This List Keep A "Friend Bank" So You Can Maintain The Right Kind Of Friendship! We're Taking in Too Much Information and It's Making Us Dumber See How You Don't Have To Start Your Weight Loss Journey Sweaty! Recommended for You If You Understand These 5 Rules In Psychology, You Can Live A Much Easier Life 5 Real Ways

 to Actually Make Money Online 50 Soft Skills for Lifelong Happiness and Success The Only Effective Way to Talk With Children When They Are Acting Out Learn More About Psychology People Judge Your Intelligence Based on the Tone of Your Voice and How Fast You Speak Why We Lose Motivation Once in a While and How to Fix It Forever What Is Love and What Is Not Get the most interesting ideas of Lifehack in your inbox

for free! Scroll down for the next article Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You End up Being Unhappy Psychology Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You End up Being Unhappy Leon Ho Leon Ho is the Founder and CEO of Lifehack, which he started in 2005 as a way to share his personal productivity hacks to make life easier. Full Bio

 Happiness is like your favorite food. Let’s assume you love cookie dough ice cream and whenever you eat it you’re happy. But if you have a freezer stocked with it, someone gifting you with another one won’t necessarily make you happier. Contrarily, if your freezer stopped running and you had to go without it for weeks, you would be elated if someone showed up with a brand new carton for you. It’s a feeling we have all felt

(hopefully), but it’s certainly not a permanent state of mind. Here’s the thing, only by experiencing sadness do we understand what it is to be happy. Assuming others are always happy is the biggest misunderstanding of happiness. The funny thing is, most people see those who have seemingly perfect lives and assume they are happy all the

time. Blame it on all the fairy tales we were read at bedtime as children, but it seems somewhere along the line we forgot that there are not actually princesses who find a prince and live happily-ever-after while peasants and witches stew in their unhappiness nearby. In reality, there is always something missing, something lacking, or something unpleasant. No one has a perfect life. I think you hear it a lot growing up, that you

shouldn’t judge those around you because you don’t know what their life is like behind closed doors. But as we grow and mature we tend to forget. Happiness, at it’s very definition, is a state of contentment. Notice the word, ‘state.’ It’s not a “lifelong, permanent experience,” it’s a state. Temporary and/or fleeting. When we feel sad, we’re

only focusing on a small fluctuating curve. This is usually enforced by our well-meaning friends who say things like, “this is a blessing in disguise,” or “this will soon be a memory; this too shall pass.” They’re right, and we usually know they’re right, but in the moment it can be difficult to see past our negativity. Do you remember your very first

breakup? It felt like the world would never be okay again, didn’t it? But weeks, months and eventually years passed and so many other relationships came and went. Of course you moved on, but in that intense sad moment of time, you were unable to see that there was a future. What we don’t see is the extended version of this curve. In keeping

with the breakup example, the extended version of the curve would be your eventual life-partner or your realization that you were completely happy as a single person. But at the time, there was no future, only darkness and loneliness. What we fail to see is how important Sadness is to Joy. Remember earlier when I said we only know what

happiness is because we’ve experienced sadness? If you can really think about what that means, it’s pretty powerful. It takes the darkness to make us grateful for the light. Stop trying to be happy. Just be. It’s natural to want to be happy as often as possible. So what can we do? First, throw away the belief that a perfect life means happiness. Personally, I would be miserable if everything was perfect. It’s from experiencing the

pains of lifelong challenges that drives us to care for others when they are experiencing the same trials. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t be able to empathize. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t grow. To be truly happy, stop chasing permanent happiness. It sounds like a paradox. What I mean is, accept that there will be ups and downs throughout time. Gracefully understand that happiness is a fluctuation of positive and negative events.

 Instead of focusing on the unpleasant moment right now, flash back your memory to when you had or didn’t have something. I like to think about my career for this example. When I didn’t have a career I was happy with and passionate about, I was upset. I felt like everyone was figuring out their lives but me. But when I found my purpose and

started Lifehack, I was so happy, even before I realized I would be successful! Remember that gratitude is the key because we only appreciate a moment when we can compare it with moments of disappointments. Happiness and sadness exist together What it all comes down to is this: your life will be filled with beautiful, happy, incredible, wow-

inducing moments. Happy tears and joyous shouts and funny stories. But your life will also be filled with rainy, mucky storms that don’t ever seem to pass when you’re going through them. But whether your face is warmed by the sunshine, or your heart is dampened by the rain, know that it’s all part of that beautiful ebb and flow of life. Relish in the happy moments and power through the sad ones. Know you aren’t alone in

experiencing either, and don’t be afraid to admit when you are hurting. Pretending to be happy won’t make you happy. But being unconditionally honest with yourself about how you feel and why … that’s how you learn to love your life — good times and bad, and that’s how to be happy. References Featured photo credit: InsideOut via facebook.com

About Lifehack Lifehack is about helping you improve your life through efficient and comprehensive learning. By leveraging the vast amount of knowledge available to us, we explore and present a wide variety of content catered to encouraging individual growth and solving problems. Learn more about our mission What’s Popular now? Poor Sleep

Quality Comes from All the Things You Do Since Morning Warren Buffett Says Most People End up Being Average Because They Don't Keep This List Keep A "Friend Bank" So You Can Maintain The Right Kind Of Friendship! We're Taking in Too Much Information and It's Making Us Dumber See How You Don't Have To Start Your Weight Loss Journey Sweaty! Recommended for You 50 Soft Skills for Lifelong Happiness and

Success 100 Inspirational Quotes That Will Make You Love Life Again Shortcut to Happiness 15 Things To Stop Doing If You Want To Be Truly Happy Learn More About Psychology There's No Perfect Family, but a Happy Family Doesn't Need to Be Perfect Is

an Extrovert Really Happier Than an Introvert? Let's Look at the Research Findings People Judge Your Intelligence Based on the Tone of Your Voice and How Fast You Speak Get the most interesting ideas of Lifehack in your inbox for free! Feedback

July 13, 2017 ·   0

One Item That Is Often Absent in Resumes but Extremely Important: Soft Skills

One Item That Is Often Absent in Resumes but Extremely Important: Soft Skills

PsychologyOne Item That Is Often Absent in Resumes but Extremely Important: Soft Skills Share: Psychology One Item That Is Often Absent in Resumes but Extremely Important: Soft Skills Craig J Todd I'm a UK-based professional writer with a burning desire for helping others. Full Bio Resumes are your first (and often only) chance to

impress a prospective employer. They may have received hundreds of applications for the role you’re going for. If your resume is stacked-full of professional qualifications and work experience – then you may be surprised to find that your application doesn’t stand out. If you’re failing to reach the interview stage, then you should definitely look at

adding a selection of ‘soft skills’ to your resume. Soft Skills: The Difference Between a Weak and Strong Resume In case you’re unfamiliar with the term soft skills, I’ll give you a few examples: Conflict resolution. Creativity. Decisiveness. Responsibility. Time management. As you can see from the above, soft skills are intangible and non-technical. In other words, they are skills that you’re unlikely to have a certificate for.

 Now, just to be clear, it is of course important to list any relevant professional qualifications and experience on your resume. However, to help your resume catch the attention of a prospective employer, you should ensure that your soft skills jump off the page(s). As an example for you, imagine that you are applying for a job as an accountant. It’s probable that the majority of applicants will have accountancy qualifications and relevant work experience. What they may not have (on their resume

at least), is demonstrable soft skills. If your resume clearly shows that you are a great team player and have first-rate communication skills, then you’ll have an excellent chance of being selected for an interview. How to Boost Your Resume by Adding Soft Skills Let’s get straight to it. Soft skills are in high demand by employers. The reasons are obvious. They want employees who: Know how to solve problems. Are easy to work

 with. Are adaptable (as opposed to stuck in their ways). Before updating your resume, take some time to think about what soft skills you have. For example, are you good at working under pressure? How about observational skills – are you able to spot trends? My suggestion is to come up with 5-10 soft skills that you genuinely have a talent for.

 To help you out, here’s a list of common soft skills that you may be able to add to your resume: Communication. Conflict resolution. Critical observation. Decisiveness. Flexibility. Leadership. Problem solving. Self-motivation. Team work. Time management. To help discover which soft skills you excel at, you may want to ask a friend or colleague to give their honest opinion/perspective on you. The next step is to come up with examples for each soft skill. It’s no use just saying that you are a good problem solver (for instance),

you need to show why this is the case. You can do this by using real examples from your experience. It could be something along the lines of… “In my previous role, I was often presented with issues and problems that no one else in the company could help

with. However, I discovered that with persistence, I was able to resolve these problems – sometimes very quickly.” If you’ve done all the above, then you’re ready to add the soft skills to your resume. The best way to do this, is to: Show, don’t tell. This means that you should embed your soft skills within examples taken from your academic, personal and professional experiences. Let the examples clearly illustrate your soft skills. In terms

of placement, soft skills should be spread across all sections of your resume. You don’t want to overdo it of course. As with most things in life, it’s about finding the right balance. By adding soft skills to your resume, you’ll likely secure an interview – and maybe the job too. About Lifehack Lifehack is about helping you improve your life

through efficient and comprehensive learning. By leveraging the vast amount of knowledge available to us, we explore and present a wide variety of content catered to encouraging individual growth and solving problems. Learn more about our mission Advertising Advertising Advertising What’s Popular now? Poor Sleep Quality Comes from All the Things You Do Since Morning Warren Buffett Says Most People End up Being Average Because They Don't Keep This List Keep A "Friend Bank" So You Can Maintain

The Right Kind Of Friendship! We're Taking in Too Much Information and It's Making Us Dumber See How You Don't Have To Start Your Weight Loss Journey Sweaty! Recommended for You A Powerful Learning Approach That Smart Students Use to Learn Fast and Get Great Results 50 Soft Skills for Lifelong Happiness and Success Don't Focus on Happiness. Focus on Self Actualization 10 Personality Disorders Many of Us Aren't

Aware Of Learn More About Psychology The Scientific Explanation on Why We Attract What We Are Self-Defeating Habits That Make Talented People Become Average Telltale Signs You've Been Suffering from Burnout for a Long Time The One Trick That Will Make You Become More Confident When Facing Challenges Love what you're reading? You're now one click away from getting all the best ideas on Lifehack for free! Subscribe to

Lifehack Newsletter to end negativity and get things done fast. Scroll down for the next article Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You End up Being Unhappy Psychology Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You End up Being Unhappy Leon Ho Leon Ho is the Founder and CEO of Lifehack, which he started in 2005 as a way to share his personal productivity hacks to make life easier. Full Bio Happiness is like your favorite food. Let’s assume you love cookie dough ice cream and whenever you eat it you’re happy. But if you have a freezer stocked with it, someone gifting you with another one won’t

necessarily make you happier. Contrarily, if your freezer stopped running and you had to go without it for weeks, you would be elated if someone showed up with a brand new carton for you. It’s a feeling we have all felt (hopefully), but it’s certainly not a permanent state of mind. Here’s the thing, only by experiencing sadness do we understand what it is to be happy. Assuming others are always happy is the biggest

misunderstanding of happiness. The funny thing is, most people see those who have seemingly perfect lives and assume they are happy all the time. Blame it on all the fairy tales we were read at bedtime as children, but it seems somewhere along the line we forgot that there are not actually princesses who find a prince and live happily-ever-after while peasants and witches stew in their unhappiness nearby. In reality, there is always

something missing, something lacking, or something unpleasant. No one has a perfect life. I think you hear it a lot growing up, that you shouldn’t judge those around you because you don’t know what their life is like behind closed doors. But as we grow and mature we tend to forget. Happiness, at it’s very definition, is a state of contentment. Notice the word, ‘state.’ It’s not a “lifelong, permanent experience,” it’s a state.

Temporary and/or fleeting. When we feel sad, we’re only focusing on a small fluctuating curve. This is usually enforced by our well-meaning friends who say things like, “this is a blessing in disguise,” or “this will soon be a memory; this too shall pass.” They’re right, and we usually know they’re right, but in the moment it can be difficult to see past our

negativity. Do you remember your very first breakup? It felt like the world would never be okay again, didn’t it? But weeks, months and eventually years passed and so many other relationships came and went. Of course you moved on, but in that intense sad moment of time, you were unable to see that there was a future. What we don’t see is the extended version of this curve. In keeping with the breakup example, the extended version of the curve would be your eventual life-partner or your realization that you

were completely happy as a single person. But at the time, there was no future, only darkness and loneliness. What we fail to see is how important Sadness is to Joy. Remember earlier when I said we only know what happiness is because we’ve experienced sadness? If you can really think about what that means, it’s pretty powerful. It takes the darkness to make us grateful for the light. Stop trying to be happy. Just be. It’s natural to want to be happy as often as possible. So what can we do? First, throw away the belief that a perfect life means happiness. Personally, I would be miserable if

everything was perfect. It’s from experiencing the pains of lifelong challenges that drives us to care for others when they are experiencing the same trials. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t be able to empathize. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t grow. To be truly happy, stop chasing permanent happiness. It sounds like a paradox. What I mean is, accept that

there will be ups and downs throughout time. Gracefully understand that happiness is a fluctuation of positive and negative events. Instead of focusing on the unpleasant moment right now, flash back your memory to when you had or didn’t have something.

 I like to think about my career for this example. When I didn’t have a career I was happy with and passionate about, I was upset. I felt like everyone was figuring out their lives but me. But when I found my purpose and started Lifehack, I was so happy, even before I realized I would be successful! Remember that gratitude is the key because we

only appreciate a moment when we can compare it with moments of disappointments. Happiness and sadness exist together What it all comes down to is this: your life will be filled with beautiful, happy, incredible, wow-inducing moments. Happy tears and joyous shouts and funny stories. But your life will also be filled with rainy, mucky storms that don’t ever seem to pass when you’re going through them. But whether your face is

warmed by the sunshine, or your heart is dampened by the rain, know that it’s all part of that beautiful ebb and flow of life. Relish in the happy moments and power through the sad ones. Know you aren’t alone in experiencing either, and don’t be afraid to admit when you are hurting. Pretending to be happy won’t make you happy. But being unconditionally honest with yourself about how you feel and why … that’s how you learn

to love your life — good times and bad, and that’s how to be happy. References Featured photo credit: InsideOut via facebook.com About Lifehack Lifehack is about helping you improve your life through efficient and comprehensive learning. By leveraging the vast amount of knowledge available to us, we explore and present a wide variety of content catered to encouraging individual growth and solving problems. Learn

 more about our mission Advertising Advertising What’s Popular now? Poor Sleep Quality Comes from All the Things You Do Since Morning Warren Buffett Says Most People End up Being Average Because They Don't Keep This List Keep A "Friend Bank" So You Can Maintain The Right Kind Of Friendship! We're Taking in Too Much

Information and It's Making Us Dumber See How You Don't Have To Start Your Weight Loss Journey Sweaty! Recommended for You 50 Soft Skills for Lifelong Happiness and Success 100 Inspirational Quotes That Will Make You Love Life Again Shortcut to Happiness 15 Things To Stop Doing If You Want To Be Truly Happy Learn More About Psychology 50 Soft Skills for Lifelong Happiness and Success What Is Love and What Is

Not How to Stay Motivated Even Though You Can't See Yourself Moving Forward How to Make Someone Who's Angry at You Suddenly Become Nice (Even If He's a Stranger!) Love what you're reading? You're now one click away from getting all the best ideas on

Lifehack for free! Subscribe to Lifehack Newsletter to end negativity and get things done fast. Feedback

July 13, 2017 ·   0

PsychologyThe Scientific Explanation on Why We Attract What We Are

PsychologyThe Scientific Explanation on Why We Attract What We Are

PsychologyThe Scientific Explanation on Why We Attract What We Are Share: Psychology The Scientific Explanation on Why We Attract What We Are Amber Pariona Professional EFL Teacher, MPA, and English/Spanish Translator. Full Bio Have you ever noticed a pattern in your romantic relationships? We tend to have very specific

behaviors with our partners and these behaviors tend to repeat themselves. Maybe you’ve been called “clingy” a couple times? Or maybe you run from relationship problems rather than work through them. Whatever your particular relationship pattern, it can all be explained by attachment theory. Attachment theory helps explain the attachment style we use in our adult relationships. Understanding this, is the key to

 finding a lasting relationship. Your attachment style determines who you attract. How can understanding attachment theory help you find a partner? Well, your attachment style affects every aspect of your romantic relationships, from being attracted to a particular person to how the breakup goes.1 Learning more about your attachment

style, helps you learn more about your personal needs and how to get those needs met.2 Attachment theory can help you understand what strengths and weaknesses you bring to a relationship and how you can make those traits work in your favor. The more you understand your attachment style, the more likely you are to find somebody that matches and complements that style. We are all wired to one of the 4 types of

attachment styles. According to attachment theory, there are 4 types of attachment styles3: 1. Secure Attachment If you experienced a secure relationship with your parents and grew up feeling safe to grow and explore independently, you probably have secure attachment. This means that you tend to feel secure and close to your partner, but still respect each person’s independence in the relationship. 2. Anxious Preoccupied

Attachment If you have an anxious preoccupied attachment style, it might be hard for you to feel satisfied in your romantic relationships. In fact, you might be described as clingy or possessive as you rely on your partner to make you feel happy or to help you overcome your fears. You might even spend a lot of time worried that you will lose your significant other. 3. Dismissive Avoidant Attachment If you are a dismissive avoidant, attachment theory says that you tend to isolate yourself from your partner. You might

come off as unconcerned with your relationship and may go so far as to say that having a romantic partner isn’t that important. You try to avoid emotional connection with another person. 4. Fearful Avoidant Attachment If you have fearful avoidant attachment, you probably experience two kinds of fear simultaneously: the fear of letting yourself get to close to your partner and the fear of being too distant with your partner. Living in

this constant state of confusion takes a toll on your emotions. People have probably told you that you’re emotional and unpredictable because your moods tend to change dramatically and with no warning. According to research, around 50% of the general population has a secure attachment style, 20% has an anxious attachment style, and

25% has an avoidant attachment style.4 In the dating world, that is single and available adults, you’re more likely to find somebody who fits one of the avoidant attachment styles. Why? Because people with secure attachment have a higher probability of being in a committed relationship.5 So, you’ve looked over the relationship styles of attachment theory and think you know which category you fit in. So now how do use

that information to help you find a lasting relationship? Some people tend to be drawn to a specific type of people. Attachment theory tells us that people with certain attachment styles tend to be drawn to somebody of a complementary nature. What does this mean? If you’re an anxious or avoidant person, you might find a secure person to be a little boring. You crave drama, mistakenly believing it is the same as sharing romantic chemistry. A securely attached person isn’t going to provide that. As a result,

avoidant and anxious people often end up together. Two avoidant people make for barely there relationship; both people spend all their time avoiding each other. Two anxious people make for an unpredictable and high stress relationship; each convinced the other is going to abandon them. But an anxious and an avoidant person together?

These 2 attachment styles complement each other in that an anxious person is willing to wait around for their avoidant partner to commit to the relationship. This anxious attachment actually validates avoidant behavior by letting the avoidant know their behavior will be tolerated.6 Securely attached individuals can be with any of the style

according to attachment theory. This is because they can validate their partner’s feelings and help them overcome their fears. So how can you achieve a secure attachment style? It’s possible to change your attachment style. First, you need to accept your attachment type by being honest with yourself. If you are an anxious partner, admit it. Then, ask

yourself why. Think back to your childhood, write down all of your memories if you need to. Really look at what happened to you while growing up and try to make sense of it, try to determine how it is affecting your adult relationships today. Making this connection can help you develop a more secure attachment style, which can help you

find a lasting relationship.7 References Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io [1] PsychAlive: How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship [2] PsychologyToday: How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship [3]

PsychologyToday: How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship [4] PsychCentral: How to Change Your Attachment Style [5] ArtOfWellbeing: 14 Things You Need to Know About Adult Attachment Theory [6] ArtOfWellbeing: 14 Things You Need to Know About Adult Attachment Theory [7] PsychAlive: Understanding Insecure

Attachment About Lifehack Lifehack is about helping you improve your life through efficient and comprehensive learning. By leveraging the vast amount of knowledge available to us, we explore and present a wide variety of content catered to encouraging individual growth and solving problems. Learn more about our mission Advertising

Advertising Recommended for you People Judge Your Intelligence Based on the Tone of Your Voice and How Fast You Speak Revealed: Body Language That Makes You Attractive at Work and in Dating 6 Rules Successful People Live By to Learn Faster and Better Than Everyone Else What’s Popular now? Poor Sleep Quality Comes from All the Things You Do Since Morning Warren Buffett Says Most People End up Being Average

Because They Don't Keep This List Keep A "Friend Bank" So You Can Maintain The Right Kind Of Friendship! We're Taking in Too Much Information and It's Making Us Dumber See How You Don't Have To Start Your Weight Loss Journey Sweaty! Recommended for You A Powerful Learning Approach That Smart Students Use to Learn Fast and Get Great

Results 50 Soft Skills for Lifelong Happiness and Success Devoting to a Narcissistic Lover Is Like Playing With Fire. It Is Risky. One Item That Is Often Absent in Resumes but Extremely Important: Soft Skills Learn More About Psychology 50% of Marriages Ends up in Divorce, Is It That Hard to Save a Marriage? How to Stay Motivated Even Though You Can't See Yourself Moving Forward Self-Defeating Habits That Make Talented People

Become Average Telltale Signs You've Been Suffering from Burnout for a Long Time Love what you're reading? You're now one click away from getting all the best ideas on Lifehack for free! Subscribe to Lifehack Newsletter to end negativity and get things done fast. Scroll down for the next article Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You End up Being Unhappy Psychology Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You End up Being

Unhappy Leon Ho Leon Ho is the Founder and CEO of Lifehack, which he started in 2005 as a way to share his personal productivity hacks to make life easier. Full Bio Happiness is like your favorite food. Let’s assume you love cookie dough ice cream and whenever you eat it you’re happy. But if you have a freezer stocked with it, someone

gifting you with another one won’t necessarily make you happier. Contrarily, if your freezer stopped running and you had to go without it for weeks, you would be elated if someone showed up with a brand new carton for you. It’s a feeling we have all felt (hopefully), but it’s certainly not a permanent state of mind. Here’s the thing, only by experiencing sadness do we understand what it is to be happy. Assuming others are

always happy is the biggest misunderstanding of happiness. The funny thing is, most people see those who have seemingly perfect lives and assume they are happy all the time. Blame it on all the fairy tales we were read at bedtime as children, but it seems somewhere along the line we forgot that there are not actually princesses who find a

prince and live happily-ever-after while peasants and witches stew in their unhappiness nearby. In reality, there is always something missing, something lacking, or something unpleasant. No one has a perfect life. I think you hear it a lot growing up, that you shouldn’t judge those around you because you don’t know what their life is like behind closed doors. But as we grow and mature we tend to forget. Happiness, at it’s very definition, is a state of contentment. Notice the word, ‘state.’ It’s not a “lifelong,

permanent experience,” it’s a state. Temporary and/or fleeting. When we feel sad, we’re only focusing on a small fluctuating curve. This is usually enforced by our well-meaning friends who say things like, “this is a blessing in disguise,” or “this will soon be a memory; this too shall pass.” They’re right, and we usually know they’re right, but in the moment it can be difficult to see past our negativity. Do you remember your very first

breakup? It felt like the world would never be okay again, didn’t it? But weeks, months and eventually years passed and so many other relationships came and went. Of course you moved on, but in that intense sad moment of time, you were unable to see that there was a future. What we don’t see is the extended version of this curve. In keeping

with the breakup example, the extended version of the curve would be your eventual life-partner or your realization that you were completely happy as a single person. But at the time, there was no future, only darkness and loneliness. What we fail to see is how important Sadness is to Joy. Remember earlier when I said we only know what

happiness is because we’ve experienced sadness? If you can really think about what that means, it’s pretty powerful. It takes the darkness to make us grateful for the light. Stop trying to be happy. Just be. It’s natural to want to be happy as often as possible. So what can we do? First, throw away the belief that a perfect life means happiness.

 Personally, I would be miserable if everything was perfect. It’s from experiencing the pains of lifelong challenges that drives us to care for others when they are experiencing the same trials. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t be able to empathize. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t grow. To be truly happy, stop chasing permanent happiness. It sounds like a paradox. What I mean is, accept that there will be ups and downs throughout time.

Gracefully understand that happiness is a fluctuation of positive and negative events. Instead of focusing on the unpleasant moment right now, flash back your memory to when you had or didn’t have something. I like to think about my career for this example. When I didn’t have a career I was happy with and passionate about, I was upset. I felt

like everyone was figuring out their lives but me. But when I found my purpose and started Lifehack, I was so happy, even before I realized I would be successful! Remember that gratitude is the key because we only appreciate a moment when we can compare it with moments of disappointments. Happiness and sadness exist together What it all comes down to is this: your life will be filled with beautiful, happy, incredible, wow-

inducing moments. Happy tears and joyous shouts and funny stories. But your life will also be filled with rainy, mucky storms that don’t ever seem to pass when you’re going through them. But whether your face is warmed by the sunshine, or your heart is dampened by the rain, know that it’s all part of that beautiful ebb and flow of life. Relish in the happy moments and power through the sad ones. Know you aren’t alone in

experiencing either, and don’t be afraid to admit when you are hurting. Pretending to be happy won’t make you happy. But being unconditionally honest with yourself about how you feel and why … that’s how you learn to love your life — good times and bad, and that’s how to be happy. References Featured photo credit: InsideOut via facebook.com About Lifehack Lifehack is about helping you improve your life through efficient and

comprehensive learning. By leveraging the vast amount of knowledge available to us, we explore and present a wide variety of content catered to encouraging individual growth and solving problems. Learn more about our mission Advertising Advertising What’s Popular now? Poor Sleep Quality Comes from All the Things You Do Since Morning Warren Buffett Says Most People End up Being Average Because They Don't Keep This List Keep A "Friend Bank" So You Can Maintain The Right Kind Of Friendship! We're

Taking in Too Much Information and It's Making Us Dumber See How You Don't Have To Start Your Weight Loss Journey Sweaty! Recommended for You 50 Soft Skills for Lifelong Happiness and Success 100 Inspirational Quotes That Will Make You Love Life Again Shortcut to Happiness 15 Things To Stop Doing If You Want To Be Truly Happy Learn More About Psychology 50 Soft Skills for Lifelong Happiness and Success What Is

Love and What Is Not How to Stay Motivated Even Though You Can't See Yourself Moving Forward How to Make Someone Who's Angry at You Suddenly Become Nice

(Even If He's a Stranger!) Love what you're reading? You're now one click away from getting all the best ideas on Lifehack for free! Subscribe to Lifehack Newsletter to end negativity and get things done fast. Feedback

July 13, 2017 ·   0

How to Tell If Someone Is Worth Your Trust

How to Tell If Someone Is Worth Your Trust

Craig J ToddI'm a UK-based professional writer with a burning desire for helping others. Full Bio

Louise Delage. Remember her?

She was a 25-year-old social media star, who in 2016 gained over 50,000 likes in a

couple of months with photos of herself at boat parties and exotic travel destinations. She seemed like a fun, free soul who was enjoying her life to the full – but the reality was very different. In fact, she was an alcoholic, and was actually being used as part of an anti-alcohol campaign created by French agency BETC.¹

The campaign, known as “Like My Addiction,” was designed to raise awareness of alcoholism among young people. The daily images of Louise appearing to enjoy her life with a drink in hand was the perfect set up. People loved her social accounts, and no doubt many people began to dream of emulating her lifestyle. When the reveal came,

her social media followers were made to realize that they had failed to spot that Louise was actually a sad, struggling alcoholic.

It’s an extreme example, but in the real world (as well as in the virtual world) we can easily be duped by people who are not what they first seem.

Don’t Let Your Bias Blind You to the Truth

When meeting people for the first time, you’re most likely to trust your instincts and judgements. However, this may not be the best way to proceed, as it’s likely that you have some inherent biases.

Neglect of probability bias – many people find probability to be a difficult concept to deal with. This leads them to make black or white decisions. In other words, they choose either 0 percent or 100 percent. The problem with this type of decision-making, is that most things (and people) aren’t just day or night. In reality, they are a mixture of things. So, a person who you may regard as 100 percent good, may in fact, have a negative side that you overlook due to bias.²

Illusory-correlation bias – this can be described as our tendency to erroneously connect an action and an effect. For example, you see a news story about a shark attack at a beach you are due to visit. Although the shark attack is the first in decades at that location, you immediately decide not to swim in the sea during your holiday. The odds

of being attacked by a shark are incredibly low, and in reality, millions of people swim safely in the sea every year. Therefore, by staying out of the water, you’ve allowed the reported shark attack to cause an illusory-correlation bias in your mind.³

Biases can cause us to make faulty assessments of people. And this can be bad news for us.

Making the Wrong Judgement Can Be Harmful to You

Imagine that you interview someone to look after your young children for one night a week.

The 20-something lady appears calm, confident and easygoing. She also has childcare qualifications. As the safety and well-being of your children are paramount, you ask the lady for references from previous childcare work she has done. As if expecting that

question to come up, she reaches into her handbag and takes out an envelope which contains two handwritten letters. These appear to be genuine reference letters from two of her previous employers.

As everything seems in order, and the lady appears qualified and friendly, you find yourself drawn to offering the part-time childcare role to her immediately. However, something inside stops you doing it. Instead, you say to the lady: “Thank you for your time today. I’ll let you know tomorrow if we’d like you to start.”

After the lady has left, you decide to do a quick bit of online research using the person’s name and address. What you discover horrifies you. Credible news stories state that the lady had both of her children taken from her by social services due to her maltreatment

 of them. She was also prosecuted for the offence, and had served several months in jail!

Having discovered the truth about the lady, you rightly decline to offer her a position caring for your children. But just think how close you came to giving her the job. It’s enough to give you nightmares.

As the above demonstrates, making the wrong judgement about a person can be bad news indeed.

Use These Seven Tips to Decide Whether a Person Can Be Trusted

Learning how to correctly determine if someone is trustworthy is easier than you may think. And to prove this to you, I’ve put together a list of seven simple tips for deciding whether a person should be trusted.

1. Observe the person from different perspectives and in different situations.

You don’t want to judge a person too easily. By doing this, you won’t be giving yourself enough time (or material) to form an accurate assessment of a person. Instead, try to observe the way a person behaves in different scenarios.

For example, someone at work may seem warm, approachable and super-friendly.

However, you may see a different side to them when they go out drinking with friends on a night. Instead of the amiable person you see at work, they may become boisterous, arrogant – or even aggressive.

2. Analyze their behavior to see if it’s consistent across different circumstances.

As discussed above, people can show different sides to their personality depending upon the situation they are in. A reliable, trustworthy person is more likely to demonstrate consistent behavior than someone with something to hide.

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If you’ve ever watched those ‘border control’ TV programs, you’ll notice a pattern. People with something to hide are often overly-friendly at first (when they are trying to smuggle something into a country), but when it appears they are about to get caught –

they frequently express irritation and anger at the border control staff. An honest person is likely to show far less divergence in their emotions.

3. Take time to discover the “whole picture” of a person.

I’m sure you’ve heard the expression: Don’t judge a book by its cover. Well, this is true not just for books – but for people too! You must take an adequate amount of time to reach a fair appraisal of a person.

As an example for you, remember a time when you moved into a new house or apartment. You may have introduced yourself to your neighbors, only to find that one of them seemed quite rude and abrupt. You took an instant dislike to them. But as future events would show, you were too hasty in your judgement. This particular neighbor

 turned out to be the most helpful. They received your mail, cleaned the entrance way to your properties – and even offered to look after your pets when you went on holiday. In hindsight, it appears they were just having a bad day when you first met them.

4. See if they trust others.

People who are easily suspicious of others, are the very same people you may not want to give your trust to.

This was suggested by a recent study of the behavior of online video game players.⁴ The study found that those who were happy to cooperate and rely on other players were

less likely to double-cross their partners in a game.

In other words, trust is a two-way street.

5. Ask yourself how much you know how they think.

Getting inside someone’s head allows you to understand how they think and act. One way to do this is to listen closely to what they say. Our words often betray are true thoughts.

Criminal investigators frequently use this trick. When interviewing a suspect, they ask lots of questions, including some that are not specific to the particular case. They do this to see whether a suspect will reveal more about themselves than they might wish to do. A guilty person may try very hard to hide the truth. But in their efforts to appear

innocent, they can often trip themselves up.

Once you discover a person’s thought patterns, you’ll be able to make a fair assessment of their trustworthiness.

6. Try to learn about their past.

The person standing in front of you may look like an angel – but what do you really know about them?

Before giving your trust to a person, it makes sense to learn about their past. Employers understand this well. Whenever they’re hiring new staff, they’re likely to have a rigorous recruitment process. This usually starts with a detailed look at a resume. If the resume fits the bill, then the candidate will be asked to come in for an interview (or series of

interviews). The employer will probe the candidate about their qualifications and their work experience. If the candidate is lucky enough to be selected for the job, references will be required before any contract is signed.

While you don’t need to be this thorough when assessing a person, it definitely makes sense to be aware of their past.

7. But don’t strive to know 100 percent about a person.

If you do this, then you’ll likely to never reach the stage of deciding on their trustworthiness.

Instead, aim to know a decent amount about a person. This may be 15 percent, 30 percent or even 50 percent. The exact percentage is unimportant. The key thing is to understand enough about a person to be confident in deciding whether they can be

trusted. A good example of this, is when choosing an automotive technician. Their ad in the local newspaper may sound appealing, but do some research to see if their customers have been satisfied with their work.

We all have trust issues from time-to-time. It’s just human nature. However, if you follow the seven tips above, you can super-charge your people assessment skills. This can help you to match up with trustworthy people, and to avoid the dishonest and undependable.

References

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

[1]	Adweek: Who Is Louise Delage? The Troubling Truth Behind an Overnight Instagram Success
[2]	Changing Minds: Neglect of probability bias
[3]	Brain Biases: The Illusory-Correlation Bias
[4]	Phys Org: Study explores trust in online gamers’ psychology

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Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You End up Being Unhappy

Psychology

Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You End up Being Unhappy

Leon HoLeon Ho is the Founder and CEO of Lifehack, which he started in 2005 as a way to share his personal productivity hacks to make life easier. Full Bio

Happiness is like your favorite food. Let’s assume you love cookie dough ice cream and whenever you eat it you’re happy. But if you have a freezer stocked with it, someone

 gifting you with another one won’t necessarily make you happier. Contrarily, if your freezer stopped running and you had to go without it for weeks, you would be elated if someone showed up with a brand new carton for you. It’s a feeling we have all felt (hopefully), but it’s certainly not a permanent state of mind.

Here’s the thing, only by experiencing sadness do we understand what it is to be happy.

Assuming others are always happy is the biggest misunderstanding of happiness.

The funny thing is, most people see those who have seemingly perfect lives and assume they are happy all the time. Blame it on all the fairy tales we were read at bedtime as children, but it seems somewhere along the line we forgot that there are not actually

princesses who find a prince and live happily-ever-after while peasants and witches stew in their unhappiness nearby.

In reality, there is always something missing, something lacking, or something unpleasant.

No one has a perfect life. I think you hear it a lot growing up, that you shouldn’t judge those around you because you don’t know what their life is like behind closed doors. But as we grow and mature we tend to forget.

Happiness, at it’s very definition, is a state of contentment.  Notice the word, ‘state.’  It’s not a “lifelong, permanent experience,” it’s a state. Temporary and/or fleeting.

When we feel sad, we’re only focusing on a small fluctuating curve. This is usually enforced by our well-meaning friends who say things like, “this is a blessing in disguise,” or “this will soon be a memory; this too shall pass.” They’re right, and we usually know they’re right, but in the moment it can be difficult to see past our negativity. Do you

 remember your very first breakup? It felt like the world would never be okay again, didn’t it? But weeks, months and eventually years passed and so many other relationships came and went. Of course you moved on, but in that intense sad moment of time, you were unable to see that there was a future.

What we don’t see is the extended version of this curve. In keeping with the breakup example, the extended version of the curve would be your eventual life-partner or your realization that you were completely happy as a single person. But at the time, there was no future, only darkness and loneliness.

What we fail to see is how important Sadness is to Joy. Remember earlier when I said we only know what happiness is because we’ve experienced sadness? If you can really think about what that means, it’s pretty powerful. It takes the darkness to make us grateful for the light.

Stop trying to be happy. Just be.

It’s natural to want to be happy as often as possible.  So what can we do?  First, throw away the belief that a perfect life means happiness.  Personally, I would be miserable if everything was perfect.  It’s from experiencing the pains of lifelong challenges that drives us to care for others when they are experiencing the same trials.  If life was

 perfect, you wouldn’t be able to empathize.  If life was perfect, you wouldn’t grow.

To be truly happy, stop chasing permanent happiness.  It sounds like a paradox.  What I mean is, accept that there will be ups and downs throughout time. Gracefully understand that happiness is a fluctuation of positive and negative events.

Instead of focusing on the unpleasant moment right now, flash back your memory to when you had or didn’t have something. I like to think about my career for this example. When I didn’t have a career I was happy with and passionate about, I was upset. I felt like everyone was figuring out their lives but me. But when I found my purpose and

started Lifehack, I was so happy, even before I realized I would be successful!

Remember that gratitude is the key because we only appreciate a moment when we can compare it with moments of disappointments.

Happiness and sadness exist together

What it all comes down to is this: your life will be filled with beautiful, happy, incredible, wow-inducing moments. Happy tears and joyous shouts and funny stories. But your life will also be filled with rainy, mucky storms that don’t ever seem to pass when you’re going through them.

But whether your face is warmed by the sunshine, or your heart is dampened by the rain, know that it’s all part of that beautiful ebb and flow of life. Relish in the happy moments and power through the sad ones. Know you aren’t alone in experiencing either, and don’t be afraid to admit when you are hurting.

Pretending to be happy won’t make you happy. But being unconditionally honest with yourself about how you feel and why … that’s how you learn to love your life — good times and bad, and that’s how to be happy.

References

Featured photo credit: InsideOut via facebook.com

About Lifehack

Lifehack is about helping you improve your life through efficient and comprehensive learning. By leveraging the vast amount of knowledge available to us, we explore and

present a wide variety of content catered to encouraging individual growth and solving problems.

July 13, 2017 ·   0