Psychology Productivity Health More Advertising Psychology There's No Perfect Family, but a Happy Family Doesn't Need to Be Perfect Robert Parmer Robert Parmer is a
freelance web writer and student of Boise State University and chef. Full Bio Family members offer more support to us than just about anyone else in the world. Odds are, those who raised you are willing to help you in any way they can. While family dynamics are as unique as the individuals themselves, most families strive to be healthy and
functional.1 Humans desire love and sense of security, and who else can do that better than our families? We all want families we can trust. Being able to count on those closest to us resonates feelings of love and appreciation. However, achieving a family environment that is happy, healthy, and loving this isn’t always so easy. And arguments and the occasional “head-butting” certainly occur in most families. Your parents may be
helping you through college, for example, but may still argue with you about financial situations such as getting a part time job while attending school.2 This could stem from many things such as guilt, miscommunication, or simply a bad day. Advertising The thing is: it’s completely normal to have conflicts. But what separates happy and unhappy family dynamics are the ways in which conflicts and arguments are handled, as well as the severity of arguments. Achieving this level of happiness isn’t always easy. In fact,
dissecting exactly why a family feels unhappy is quite the endeavor. Think about the following: how constant are conflicts? What about miscommunications and arguments over minor stuff? The only way to be happy is to comprehend where sources of unhappiness lie. It’s important to be conscious of these types of unhappy tendencies.
This is an important first step. When unhappy families start to really comprehend and adjust their lifestyles, everyone wins. Family members experiencing difficulties are more apt to reaching out in times of need if they are confident that their relatives will respond with love and compassion. Additionally, most day to day activities are easier and more enjoyable when we feel overall, happy. Every family defines happiness differently. It’s
true that happy families are the closest families, but they are not all alike.3 This is because many family’s definitions of happiness differ. Some family groups require frequent dinners and rituals like game nights, and others are content with regular phone calls and the occasional family reunion. Consider picking up a book on the subject of
happiness! A relevant book, 100 Simple Secrets of Happy Families: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It4 gives a great deal of insight into family happiness. An article by Time highlights the top 20 secrets from this book:5 Where you live does matter—the happiness of a community segues into family happiness. Open
communication is a must for all families. Tell the family story—knowledge family history radiates happiness and family pride. To communicate values to kids, focus on closeness, not lectures. You’re a role model to kids—always keep that in mind. You must always be open to change. We love those who show love—make sure care and kindness are
reciprocated. They need you to be positive, especially when times are tough. History beats apology—don’t be overly apologetic. Try to be fair, not right or correct. The secret to great work/life balance is a feeling of control—take charge of your work schedule if possible. Discussing tough subjects makes everything easier in the long run. Happiness is determined by what you think about most—try your best to focus on the positives
and combat the negatives. Family rituals matter—sit down and have dinner together on the regular and plan activities you all enjoy! Kids that pick their activities enjoy school—if they are interested, let them play sports or in band or anything else. Separate your work and family life. Coping with in-laws is worth it. Pets help create more happiness.
Kids need more than just mom and dad—all family members are important! Anyone can have a happy family—we are all capable of happiness if we are willing to work for it. Advertising And to reiterate, planning family rituals and activities truly strengthens family bonds and creates a great deal of happiness. To strengthen the family bonding, plan quality time and fun things to do together.6 Happiness can’t always be attained
overnight. For some families it may be easy and others must make a conscious effort to change and become happier. The following resources will be very advantageous to your happiness and your family’s merriment. Seek family counseling to radiate happiness in the family. For families that are far from happy, the best solution is oftentimes through
outsourced efforts of family counseling. It truly helps to have another person who is professionally trained weigh in and offer help and support. Families around the world all find benefits from family counseling. This is a form of happiness “assistance.” These types of counseling services are fairly easy to access in places like the United States but must continue to progress across the globe. This is why family counseling and social
work on a global scale are important.7 Every family deserves to be as happy as possible, and counselors and social workers are the key! Communication, communication, communication! One of the biggest pitfalls to happiness for families is miscommunication. Communication is an absolute must for all types of relationships to
thrive, especially families. Family counselors also assist in communication efforts. A post by Wake Forest University elaborates:8 “Without communication, one child’s emotional challenges can grow into a variety of behavioral problems that affect many more people than the individual; without an opportunity to express these feelings, contributing factors might never even be properly identified. Individual therapy often begins with the
counselor helping the patient to increase self awareness.” Counseling helps ensure that the voices of all members of a family are heard. Sometimes it’s harder than it should be to just listen to each other and communicate effectively. Fortunately, family counseling helps! Recommended for You And take the following bits of advice to heart:9 To build strong family relationships, listen actively to each other. Use “I” messages rather than
“You” messages when talking. Encourage all family members to share their thoughts and feelings. Strong families spend time together. Strong families handle their conflict fairly. Strong families develop trust. What works best for you and your family? What do you and your family do to maintain and happy and healthy relationship? Share with us!
References [1] Lifehack: How to Create a Close Knit Family [2] Lifehack: 7 Reasons You’re Unhappy With Your Financial Situation [3] Psychology Today: Happy Families Are Not All Alike [4] 100 Simple Secrets of Happy Families: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It [5] Time: 20 Simple Secrets Of Happy Families – All Backed By Science [6] Rawhide: 15 Ways to Strengthen Family Ties [7] Case Western University Reserve:
Social Work on a Global Scale [8] Wake Forest University: How Family Counselors Teach Communication Skills [9] University of Delaware: Building Strong Family Relationships About Lifehack Lifehack is about helping you improve your life through efficient and comprehensive learning. By leveraging the vast amount of knowledge available to us, we explore and present a wide variety of content catered to encouraging individual growth
and solving problems. Learn more about our mission What’s Popular now? Poor Sleep Quality Comes from All the Things You Do Since Morning Warren Buffett Says Most People End up Being Average Because They Don't Keep This List Keep A "Friend Bank" So You Can Maintain The Right Kind Of Friendship! We're Taking in Too Much
Information and It's Making Us Dumber See How You Don't Have To Start Your Weight Loss Journey Sweaty! Recommended for You Learn More About Psychology What to Do When We Don't Know How to Fix a Marriage Alone Seeking Help for Family Problems:
List of Family Counseling Providers to Consider Every Family Has Its Problems, This Is How Some Stick Together No Matter What Get the most interesting ideas of Lifehack in your inbox for free! Scroll down for the next article Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You End up Being Unhappy Advertising Psychology Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make
You End up Being Unhappy Leon Ho Leon Ho is the Founder and CEO of Lifehack, which he started in 2005 as a way to share his personal productivity hacks to make life easier. Full Bio Happiness is like your favorite food. Let’s assume you love cookie dough ice cream and whenever you eat it you’re happy. But if you have a freezer stocked with it,
someone gifting you with another one won’t necessarily make you happier. Contrarily, if your freezer stopped running and you had to go without it for weeks, you would be elated if someone showed up with a brand new carton for you. It’s a feeling we have all felt (hopefully), but it’s certainly not a permanent state of mind. Here’s the thing, only b
y experiencing sadness do we understand what it is to be happy. Assuming others are always happy is the biggest misunderstanding of happiness. The funny thing is, most people see those who have seemingly perfect lives and assume they are happy all the time. Blame it on all the fairy tales we were read at bedtime as children, but it seems
somewhere along the line we forgot that there are not actually princesses who find a prince and live happily-ever-after while peasants and witches stew in their unhappiness nearby. Advertising In reality, there is always something missing, something lacking, or something unpleasant. No one has a perfect life. I think you hear it a lot growing up, that you shouldn’t judge those around you because you don’t know what their life is like
behind closed doors. But as we grow and mature we tend to forget. Happiness, at it’s very definition, is a state of contentment. Notice the word, ‘state.’ It’s not a “lifelong, permanent experience,” it’s a state. Temporary and/or fleeting. When we feel sad, we’re only focusing on a small fluctuating curve. This is usually enforced by our well-meaning friends who say things like, “this is a blessing in disguise,” or “this will soon be a memory; this too shall pass.” They’re right, and we usually know they’re right, but in the
moment it can be difficult to see past our negativity. Do you remember your very first breakup? It felt like the world would never be okay again, didn’t it? But weeks, months and eventually years passed and so many other relationships came and went. Of course you moved on, but in that intense sad moment of time, you were unable to see that
there was a future. What we don’t see is the extended version of this curve. In keeping with the breakup example, the extended version of the curve would be your eventual life-partner or your realization that you were completely happy as a single person. But at the time, there was no future, only darkness and loneliness. What we fail to see is how
important Sadness is to Joy. Remember earlier when I said we only know what happiness is because we’ve experienced sadness? If you can really think about what that means, it’s pretty powerful. It takes the darkness to make us grateful for the light. Stop trying to be happy. Just be. It’s natural to want to be happy as often as possible. So what can we do? First, throw away the belief that a perfect life means happiness.
Personally, I would be miserable if everything was perfect. It’s from experiencing the pains of lifelong challenges that drives us to care for others when they are experiencing the same trials. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t be able to empathize. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t grow. Advertising To be truly happy, stop chasing permanent happiness. It
sounds like a paradox. What I mean is, accept that there will be ups and downs throughout time. Gracefully understand that happiness is a fluctuation of positive and negative events. Instead of focusing on the unpleasant moment right now, flash back
your memory to when you had or didn’t have something. I like to think about my career for this example. When I didn’t have a career I was happy with and passionate about, I was upset. I felt like everyone was figuring out their lives but me. But when I found my purpose and started Lifehack, I was so happy, even before I realized I would be successful! Remember that gratitude is the key because we only appreciate a momen
t when we can compare it with moments of disappointments. Happiness and sadness exist together What it all comes down to is this: your life will be filled with beautiful, happy, incredible, wow-inducing moments. Happy tears and joyous shouts and funny stories. But your life will also be filled with rainy, mucky storms that don’t ever seem to
pass when you’re going through them. But whether your face is warmed by the sunshine, or your heart is dampened by the rain, know that it’s all part of that beautiful ebb and flow of life. Relish in the happy moments and power through the sad ones. Know you aren’t alone in experiencing either, and don’t be afraid to admit when you
are hurting. Pretending to be happy won’t make you happy. But being unconditionally honest with yourself about how you feel and why … that’s how you learn to love your life — good times and bad, and that’s how to be happy. References Featured photo
credit: InsideOut via facebook.com About Lifehack Lifehack is about helping you improve your life through efficient and comprehensive learning. By leveraging the vast amount of knowledge available to us, we explore and present a wide variety of content catered to encouraging individual growth and solving problems. Learn more about our mission
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